Pyro really did a number this time. It looks just awful, white around the new areas and a scary black/brown over the original. As near as I can tell from research, it's either a "deep partial-thickness burn" (formerly known as a deep second degree burn) or a "full-thickness burn" (formerly known as a third degree burn). I suspect there is some of each.
Every source I read said that medical treatment is a must for third degrees and recommended for deep second degree burns. I have been unable to find out what happens if medical treatment is *not* received. I know infection is a concern but I can prevent that. Beyond that, all I could find were mouse studies and they made no sense to me, aside from making me feel just awful for the mice!
But going to the doctor just isn't an option. I can't pass off a highly defined, severe, cross-shaped burn as a cooking accident. And I can't let them force me into a "psychological evaluation". With the way things are now, I don't want them to send me back to the hospital and I am not confident I could bluff my way out of it by dodging and giving incomplete answers.
I won't go back. I can't. I can't afford it and I can't upset the family again and I certainly can't risk the fallout for the kids. They are trying to adjust to a new schedule and create a new routine. Two of them are in a new school, two are trying to adjust to being "top dog" in their schools and the other is still fighting his way through being the middle of the group of kids from our family. He has been charged with watching over the kindergartner so that has helped his self-esteem a little, but I digress. The point is, they can't handle the instability right now. Not to mention the looks from the hospital staff - they are quite sick of seeing me. And the hospital itself is awful. I can't go back. It would destroy my family.
Pyro... why? And still I get no reply other than, "You were there."
So I am stuck. Theoretically, I ought to go to the doctor and get it checked out. I am trying to remember what the procedure was last Thanksgiving. Keep it covered, put the silver-slimy-cream on it for 12 hours, wiped it off, wash it off, re-apply. But there's another cream too - when do I use that one? And what about the black and brown patch in the middle? Will the silver-slimy-cream help it? There wasn't anything like that before. I ought to go get it checked out. But they can insist on a psych eval, the law gives a lot of room to insist on things like that and I won't have it!!
I have considered calling the shrink, telling him what happened and finding out if it would be safe to go to a doctor for this. But then, I am afraid that he will ask too many questions AND/OR try to have me committed himself. So I can't go to him.
Why do I have to have the worst timing to fall apart? I have to hold on to this. I have to keep it together. For my family, for my children, for everything I hold dear: I will pull myself together and be a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, a better friend. I will do better and I will hold myself together and I will not fall. To hell with a doctor. Everyone (okay, only the shrink and Craig and anyone who has kept up with my blog) already knows I burnt it before, they won't notice the increase if I keep it bandaged. By the time they find out, the crisis will be over and they will have no reason to lock me away and destroy my kids. They may be angry, but they will be safe. My wrist will heal without incident or comment and my arm will heal eventually, to what results, I don't know, but it will happen.
In my search for information on burns, I came across this site. Information without judgement. I didn't know it still existed...
http://www.geocities.com/gold_blood_uk/Mentalhealth.html
(follow the link at the bottom for "Self Harm")
A Proverb I Read: "Whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad."
The worst jokes I have ever written
13 years ago
