Reality Check

Okay, so doom and gloom isn't the answer and happy happy happy makes people nervous. So it's all about portraying a balance. I think I have a game plan.

Step One: STOP FEELING Since I haven't been able to convince myself to believe the good and stop dwelling on the bad, it's time to turn off that switch altogether. I know how to relax into things that don't feel good. I know how to count away the scary things. I know how to breathe away the panic attacks. It's time to put everything together and stop feeling. Shift the focus from trying to fight the bad or feel the good and onto the specific activities that will show I am OKAY.

Step Two: MAKE LISTS of everything. Plan out the thoughts and the activities and prepare the responses to the questions. Prep for the possibilities that don't come up often but might. Line up back up to create a seamless transition between auto-pilot and disaster recovery so that even the worst won't phase me. Write down the things I need to do and when and how to do them then just follow the list.

Step Three: PULL BACK If something comes up that I don't know how to handle, just pull back a little and transfer to auto-pilot. Don't fight anyone on anything. Just do what is being asked. If the thoughts and feelings try to out, pull away from them just enough to not let them hurt me.

Step Four: STEPFORD ACCOMPLISHED If I can short-circuit the thought-feeling connection, I can do whatever I need to do. I will be able to be who and what people need me to be and I don't have to hurt any more. It is the ultimate "fake it til you make it" and I can make this work...

This really is the best way to go. I can't keep going the way things are and this plan will work. I've already established that I am only still here because I can't hurt people by leaving so it's time to put my money where my mouth is. Live for those people I am trying to protect... it's going to be okay!