My Place in this World

Right beside the age-old question of "Who am I?" is the tandem concept of "What Am I Doing Here?" (I know there is a Douglas Adams quote to fit this but I'm not taking the time to go find it. Maybe I'll update later, maybe not...)

So many people in the world don't know who they are, what they want, what their purpose is, whether or not they have a purpose and whether or not they even want a purpose. I am most certainly one of them.

My whole life "I" have been whoever I needed to be to fit the situation. When asked to tell about myself I list off the things that are relevant to the context. For anything to do with the kids, I am a 31 year old, happily married SAHM with 4 kids and full-time babysitter for my best friend's baby. I am Kid-1's mom, or Craig's wife, or Mom/Dad's daughter. Online, I am usually TheSV, writer and SAHM of 4.5 and I run a couple of writer's groups. To my doctor's I am the patient with [insert ailment here] complicated by [insert other issues or complications.] To the wold at large, I am invisible or if not invisible, at least insignificant. Left to hang in the wind without context I will call myself a mother first and a writer next and then possibly a lover of all things to do with the human mind.

I am told that I should know who I am and what I stand for. Everyone from my shrink to my horoscope say variations on, "Know thyself." I have never seen a problem with being whoever was called for in the situation but apparently this isn't a healthy attitude. Okay...... how do I reconcile "who am I?" with "who do I want to be?" and balance that with "who do I need to be?"

Sometimes I think about who I would be if I were not me. I have so many and yet so few answers for this. There is obviously some reason I'm here. I've tried so many times to leave and it hasn't happened so there must be a reason for that. But what? Where do I belong? Where is my place in this world?!

Michael W. Smith: Place in this World


I chose this particular clip to embed because it is translated into Spanish throughout the song. It feels like the words and the answers are there but I just don't understand them...

Here are the lyrics (in English):
The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart thats hopeful
A head thats full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like im

Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me im

Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world