Recently I was thinking about the phrase "one in a million" or any such large number. The biggest thing about those kind of statistics is that for every "one in a million" there has to be 999,999 others who aren't that one. Everyone is a statistic on one side of the equation or the other. Most are "fillers" that create that "one".
I will never be that "one" because I fall somewhere in the middle of almost everything. I am not the best or the worst of anything. I have worked quite hard to make sure that is what people see and expect from me. There is a small part of me that wishes I could be really really good at something, even the best. But mostly I prefer to take the middle ground. And I'm okay with that.
But I realized something the other night watching Kid-2 at gymnastics. While I would never say or even imply it to any kid, let alone any of my kids, I do wish they would each be good at something, really good. Kid-2 isn't very good at gymnastics. She's having fun and that's what's important, but in the back of my head, I wish she had some really strong promise.
It's the same with each of them. Kid-1 plays football but he's no quarterback. Kid-3 does gymnastics pretty well and plays baseball well - both above average - but neither so good as to be great. Kid-4 also does gymnastics but he's young enough that he's mostly playing and hasn't found his niche yet.
What is wrong with me??? I love my kids - they are the most important thing in my universe. And I don't like them any more or any less for not being "really good" at their activities. But I do feel disappointed - yet not in them.
It's almost like I am using them as a reflection of me. If they excel at something, it is like I am excelling at something vicariously. Perhaps this is projection. Maybe I am actually more upset at myself than I think I am about not excelling at anything and am putting that on them. It could be that I just want everything wonderful for them, including a sense that they have something special about them. Maybe it's some strange combination of them all.
Regardless of why I feel this way or whether it's "normal" or not, I feel deeply ashamed of it. Not of them, but of my feelings. There is nothing wrong with being on the big side of the equation. They are happy where they are. I have no call to feel this way. Now how do I turn it off?
The worst jokes I have ever written
13 years ago
1 comment:
Hi SV,
I think it is natural for a parent to want their children to be highly successful in at least one area. I know for myself I used to always bemoan the fact that I was never really great at one thing, but was good at and knew about many things. In today's world being a generalist...knowing lots about lots of things, is more important than knowing everything about one thing. People who are generalists are much more prepared to adapt and change.
Your disappointment may come from you seeing your kids as a reflection of yourself. (I think they sound like beautiful reflections).
Personally, I think if they like what they are doing, that is the most important thing. And it sounds to me like you are an awesome mom for taking the time to allow them to try out different things.
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