Random Thoughts

I am still alive. I've gone kinda MIA online here recently. I guess I am not coping as well as I would like. But I am still kicking. To use the metaphor The Shrink used this morning, I may not be running this marathon, but I am still in the race. I am going to try to be more realistic about my expectations for myself and hopefully that will allow me more time and energy to resume my online activities.

A big thank you to the well-wishers and support I've received and the concern you have expressed. Your comments made me feel really good. It's so easy to feel all alone in this great big world and sometimes, even when surrounded by people who love me, I still feel like I am alone. Your comments helped.

Well, as I said before, he is gone. He has been gone for 2 weeks and my heart dies a little more every day. I am putting on as strong a face as I possibly can but I think it's killing me. I mark the days on my arm, a visible, tangible representation of the pain I cannot express. I told one person who said the most sensitive and non-judgemental thing I could ever have imagined. He said I must be in a lot of pain inside. (not a direct quote) I also got caught by Baby-Mommy - I can't really hide anything from her. She always seems to know. She was kind and supportive but worried and practically threatened to babysit me. I guess, since she was laid off on Thursday, she will be able to do exactly that.

So here we go. I have been writing this post for 5 days and just now giving up on calling it "done". Just wanting everyone to know that all is as well as they can be. I will try too write more later as I have actually had a lot of things on my mind just not the energy to do anything about it.

Good night and God bless us all, every one....