Thursday, November 15, 2007

When Good News is Bad News and Bad News is Good News

Took Kid-3 to the pediatric urologist today down at Riley's Children's Hospital. I've been so freaked out about this test and doing everything in my power to now let him know how scared I am. Apparently it worked as he was not at all nervous - he was just bored, bored, bored!! And the test went very smoothly. It was actually really cool to watch - the xray of the contrast in the bladder and everything. It was, from a technical perspective, really cool. The results were of interest as well.

The good news is, Kid-3's bladder is actually pretty okay. It's obviously been having some issues but from the urologist's standpoint, all his plumbing is present and working.

The bad news is it appears the issue is more complicated than retraining the bladder muscles or something similar. His stools just aren't moving right, despite medication and diet, and that is screwing with the waterworks. So we get to trot off to a different specialist, a pediatric gastro-neurologist. And we may have a lead on the underlying problem.

It turns out my perfect baby boy actually has a minor structural birth defect. It's called spinal bifida occult. It means that the spinal column way down at the bottom of the spine has an area where it didn't fully close. There is a small gap where there should be a small ridge. And it *might* mean that some nerves are exposed or a fatty mass has developed at the site and infringing on the nerves. That could be causing the bowel problems. First thing to do is get an MRI to find out just how extensive this spinal bifida occult thing is and whether or not the nerves might be affected by it. We'll go from there with the new specialist...

spinal bifida...

that's one of those horror potentials the OB warns you about when you are pregnant. A worst case scenario of things that could go wrong. The Spinal column doesn't close and all the nerves and stuff that should be inside of it have no place to be. It can be a lethal birth defect, or 100% disabling, or a major problem... but no one ever said it could be really small and undetected until age 8 and then because of a different issue.

It sounds so scary to say that my son has a form of spinal bifida. But really, it isn't as bad as it sounds. And perhaps i we can define the problem, we can fix or minimize it.

Part of me is saying, "DID I DO THIS? DID I CAUSE THIS IN HIM BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I DID WHILE PREGNANT?"

Part of me is saying, "Thank you, God, for helping us move one step closer to finding a solution to this complication and for showing me how much I have to be thankful for in the faintest shadow of what could have been but is not."

I am actively choosing to thank God.