Silence Reflection

In silence there is protection, safety and anonymity. In deflection, there is reflection, a chance to observe, apply and imitate. By reaching out to lift up another, the opportunity presents to be lifted up alongside them.

I want to know about other people. I want to watch the way they move and notice the little things that mean so much but no one else bothers to pay attention to. I want to hear them talk, listen to the things they say with their words and the things they say with everything else. I want to understand their thoughts, trace them back to their origins, and maybe watch them evolve to a better place. I want to know where they've been, where they are and where they're going. And I want to know why...

I can take everything I learn about people and apply it to everything I know about myself. I can take insights from their lives and illuminate my own. I can watch their progress and learn how to create my own. I can see their mistakes and all the things that surround them, understand why things happened with, for or to them and examine my own mistakes. For everyone is a mirror. They reflect back to me that which is inside me and I can reflect back to them that which they already possess.

This morning the shrink stumbled and fell right into success. I have an extremely difficult time thinking he creates some of these situations with intent, although I am certain he is guided by instinct and confident that he is causing no harm in his accidental successes.

This morning I realized that he has awoken something entirely new (or else very long forgotten) deep inside me, so deep that it lies in that place I am afraid to look at. I realized that I am starting to think in terms of potential - my own potential. As in, maybe I have some potential for good in me. It frightens me to think something so intensely positive about myself - I keep waiting for it to be beaten out of me. But the spark has lit an ember and I am almost willing to entertain the notion of roasting s'mores over a thriving bonfire.

"Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I never did for you." ("Hate Me" by Blue October)