So I'm trying to do NaNoWriMo, as I said before. I thought I had a good premise down and was ready to roll with it - right up until it came time to write it. Then I realized that I had no idea what I was doing. I knew facts on a page. But there was no life in the story. I didn't feel the characters or know them at all. I could tell you what needed to happen in a given scene but not see and hear it play out.
To quote my daughter, "I don't roll like that!"
I tried wrapping my head around the story but there was no instinct in it. I tried forcing the answers but it didn't make anything click. Okay, no problem, don't panic, still lots of time.... Switched tactics and went for the backstory of one of my in-progress novels that I know very well. But I couldn't bring myself to NaNo it - it needs more time and care than NaNo can give. I gave it a try but it make me nervous. So I went back to Joe's Diner and gave it another whirl. Spit out another 700 words but it was still crap. So I back-tracked and thought I'd start a totally different story but couldn't come up with anything despite several "interesting" suggestions from Kid-2, my darling writer-in-training who is my polar opposite in writing styles. (I can't "write bright" to save my soul and she doesn't comprehend any story idea that isn't happy and perky! LOL) so I went back for yet a third attempt at the Diner. No dice.
By this time it is getting late on Sunday, November 4th. I should have close to 7,000 words by that time and I had 1200 - in 4 different story attempts. I was getting deperate. I couldn't FEEL it. I couldn't find what some part of me knew I SHOULD be writing. Something is out there, something I *should* be writing - I could FEEL it but not grab onto it. It was infuriating! I feel so strongly about doing NaNo this year and yet it had completely eluded me.
Then I thought - what if I tell MY story? (Actually Mary thought it but that's another story. LOL) Well, that sent me into a panicking tail-spin because a spark ignited at the idea and I didn't really want to have the idea in the first place. The more the idea battered at my desperate mind, the more I thought maybe I could make it work. I could change things, add some take away others, change names and places and jobs and houses. And I didn't necessarily EVER have to show it to anyone. When you sub your final novel for authentication to NaNo - you have to scramble it. And I am doing NaNo not for publication but for the rush of being in the zone and to say I DID IT!! So I don't care if no one ever reads it - I just want to say I DID IT!
So... I think I'm going for it. I'm changing a lot of what happened. Some of it I just can't look at too close. Some of it needs some spicing up and/or toning down to be more realistic. (Weird, isn't it, when RL is too unrealistic to be put down as is into fiction?! LOL) Some of it I'm changing just to prove that I am in control of the story and not the other way around. I'm hoping by doing this NaNo style, I can get it out quick, fast and without dwelling too long on any one thing. I may end up tipping myself over the edge but it's like Mary keeps reminding... fiction is a safer way to tell the truth. Made up stories can't hurt you. Uh... me.
So... I'm off to write. I don't know if it'll work, but I'm going to try!
"Don't tell me I don't have time! I'm a Time-Lord!" (Doctor Who)
