Here It Comes... (Part 1)

Hubby got the call today from the railroad. He has been "selected for employment" but they couldn't tell him if it would be the July 6th departure date or the October 26th. They said "probably" not in July, but that the possibility was there and they wouldn't know until a few DAYS before the July date. He hasn't given them a definitive answer yet, but he didn't tell them no and so the assumption on their part is that it is a yes.

My official position on this is "No comment." Officially, I have turned it over to God and will let Him make the decision. He makes better decisions than I do anyways. I am not "hoping" one way or the other... what will be, will be. "No doubt it will all be cleared up in the morning." (LOTR, bk 1)

Unofficially, I am confused and scared. This job represents EVERYTHING that I am afraid of and uncomfortable with... everything.

It is unpredictable with no ability to plan ahead for schedules. He has 2 hours' notice to go to work: they call and he has 2 hours to get there. We can kind of guess when he'll be working based on the vague 36 hours out/12 hours home concept but that can't be relied upon nor planned more than a few days ahead................................................ I despise not being able to predict what is going to happen. I rehearse everything six million different ways to prepare for as many things as possible. I make Hubby call me on his way from work so I know when he will get here. I keep 2 different calendars plus reminders on my phone so that I know what is happening schedule-wise. I don't do unpredictable! It scares the hell out of me...

With him gone so much, everything falls on me. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, transportation, scheduling, bills, bedtimes, bathtimes, mornings, nights, school, meds, activities, reading, homework, friends, television... everything. I have to be prepared to cover them all but able to defer to him at any time if he is home and wants to do them. Basically speaking, I have to be able to be a single mother that has help whenever possible............................................... That is a LOT to do. I know people have said they are willing to help and I have no doubt I will have no trouble getting kids to their activities and getting people to attend special events. It is the house that scares me most. How am I going to keep up with everything? I can't keep up with it now, with him home. And chances are when he is home, he's going to need downtime and playtime. He isn't going to be up for cleaning and laundry and all the tedious things that I have such trouble with. I know the kids will help, but I can only ask so much of them. They are kids and I can't put everything on them. How on earth am I going to manage this? Can I do this? What happens if I fall?

He will be gone at hotels a lot, with nothing to do when he off the train out of town. I will have no idea for sure what he is doing, where, and yes... with who. I know I shouldn't still think about that but the fact is, I do. I have forgiven him completely, but I am a little leery that it might happen again. What if he decides not to come back some time?

For that matter... he is LEAVING me! He will be gone for 6 weeks, 12 hours away. I won't be able to see him, hug him, sit and just be with him. I can't call him up if I get stressed out or have him watch everyone so I can get away for a bit. He won't be able to help me with anything here. The car is making a strange sound? Not here. Sink stopped up? Not here. Television being weird? Not here. Dog acting strange? Not here. Kid needs a man-to-man talk? Not here. Need backup on a decision? Not here. Something funny or wonderful happens and I wanna share? Not here. I'm sick and need backup? Not here. For 6 weeks, he won't be here at all. Not for me, not for the kids, not for his family, not for mine.

He's going to be gone and I'm going to need help. What will I have to give in order to get that help?

He's going to be gone for 6 weeks... 6 weeks of finding ways to amuse himself, making new friends, living a totally different lifestyle with so few pressures. I don't think he's gone 6 weeks since we got involved together! We've never gone 6 weeks without seeing each other, never since we got together when I was 15 years old. What if something happens while he's there? What if he decides he doesn't want to come home? What if he realizes how much work we are and doesn't want to deal with it?

Pay will not predictable. The number of hours he works isn't set at all and so how much he brings in is going to fluctuate. Makes budgeting awkward. Plus there will be a 3 week lag with no paycheck, give or take a week. (They hold back 2 weeks and only pay twice a month.)

He won't be available for emergencies while he's working. If something happens during the day or night while he gone, I am on my own. He can't come to my rescue.

He could end up totally losing touch with us as a family. The daily grind will be all me. Who is having problems with who, which kid had a bad week or a great one, who is going to where at any given point in time, what new approach we are trying to handle this or that problem...... he won't be here to participate in these things. I can fill him in when he's home but he will be living a large part of his children's lives in past tense. It will be MY family, MY house, MY kids, MY household, with him there to back me up as often as he can.

Weekends and holidays... he's gotta work them. If it comes up that way, he's gotta do it. And for the first couple years, when he will have no seniority, it will very often fall that way. He could miss Christmas morning, Thanksgiving dinner, Easter Sunday... Birthdays aren't that big of a deal; we'll just celebrate before or after. But some days are sacred.

Then there is the work itself. Hubby is a people person. He likes to be on the move physically, fixing problems and helping people. But he is going to be on a train. He'll be responsible for everything on the train but while it's moving, he'll be.... sitting. He doesn't read or write or do sudoku or crosswords or anything like that. What is he going to DO? Plus, the hours are completely unpredictable so he may work 2 am - noon, be off until 6 am the next morning and on a train again for another zillion hours. He will have to be able to sleep when and where he can. Hubby doesn't sleep that way. He gets tired after so many hours and wakes up after so many hours and any deviation therefrom tends to make him cranky. I'm not sure he's going to like this job - at all. And Hubby in a job he doesn't like is incredibly unpleasant for everyone.

So.

We have unpredictability, total responsibility, both long and constant absences, missing of important events, poor work environment for him (likely causing erratic moods), and loss of companionship.

All this and on top of it - I'm not supposed to think any of these are a big deal. We can work it out. The most common response I got to the "cons" part of the pros and cons discussions I've had with people is basically "suck it up" combined with "you'll get used to it" and just how deep these things affect me has been completely ignored or at the very least strongly downplayed.

That's the bad news part of it. See Part 2 for the good sides to this....