I printed out several of the entries and showed it around. I read it to The Shrink who said she had gone to an extreme reaction that was disproportionate with the circumstances. I had my Guardian Angel read it and he found no merit in. I had Hubby read it and he was alternating between incredulous that she would claim such things and spitting mad at the lies. But when she posted a list of reasons why she is in the right and I am in the wrong, I couldn't tolerate it any longer. That's when I sent the email followed immediately by her leaving.
Her departure happened on Father's Day. As devastated as I was (am), I had a hard time calming down enough to go to the In-Laws for the day. I tried to call The Shrink but as it was not only Sunday but also Father's Day, I didn't put much stock in him calling back in a timely manner. So I stuffed it all down as far inside as I could muster, back behind The Wall that protects me from me, and I went to the in-laws.
Being around people was difficult. All I could think about was Uber-Bitch. The kids never got to say goodbye to Uber-Bitch's daughter and I will never see her again either. I felt guilty at how relieved I was to have it over. The parable of the snake hovered over me like a tangible cloud. I did this. I did this to my family and to myself. I picked up the snake, knowing full-well what kind of person she is and choosing to accept her and love her and support her exactly how she is. What did I think would happen?! How could I have believed that making her part of my family would teach her how to be family?
After a while at the in-laws, The Shrink called me back. I was impressed that he called at all but at the sound of his voice, the pain and guilt and anger flooded back and threatened to overwhelm me. I hid in the front room and lay down, using my headache as an excuse. While I "slept", Hubby told them what happened. He showed them my email to Uber-Bitch and told them about the content of her blog posts.
Their reactions were unanimous and vehement - I did the right thing and in the right way. In additional, there were varying degrees of anger and shock at her audacity. They all support me 100%. That helped and after hiding out for a few hours I was able to rejoin them and even smile once or twice.
Hubby also told The Neighbors and showed them the emails and told them about the blog. They too are behind me 100% and think she must be delusional. My mother and my Daddy are both glad she is gone and offered support. My Guardian Angel, of course, is proud of me for finally standing up for myself. And when I told Writer-Friend about it, she actually cheered that I had finally "gotten rid of" Uber-Bitch. The Shrink told me she had reacted to an extreme and that she should never have moved in and felt strongly enough about me talking to her about moving out that he was willing to call and talk to her himself. And the Med-Shrink is the one who started this whole crisis.
Everyone I have spoken to or that has been told is completely behind me, without exception. Even the kids are upset at losing Uber-Bitch's daughter but only Kid-2 (who was close to Uber-Bitch) has said a word about Uber-Bitch herself. To date, that is twelve adults (not counting Hubby and myself) that think I have done the right thing in the right way.
On the other hand, Uber-Bitch's version of her own guardian angel apparently said I wasn't behaving rationally. From the next couple of sentences, though, it seems he was referring to whether or not we had a one-sided relationship. (For the record, I never said we had a one-sided relationship, just that I gave her everything I have to give.) It seems, too, that her original therapist said we have a toxic relationship and that I am bad news. Nothing in her posts indicate whether the current therapist has weighed in on right/wrong or joined the blame game. I also haven't read about any reactions from her boss-type-person or her one other friend that she is close to. So maybe she feels like everyone that she has talked to is on her side.
Which brings me to the following statement in her blog:
I also wonder if deep down she doesn't know how wrong she is in all of this. I mean, if I really deserved to be kicked out on the street, if she really believed that, I would think she would have done it. Even her. I've seen her when she's truly angry and know she's capable of it. Which makes me think that she knows that I haven't done anything worth that kind of action in this situation.
Well, first of all, I didn't (and wouldn't ever) kick her out on the street. But beyond that, I am drowning in self-doubt. But beyond that I can't help but wonder if the people I have told support me because I have only given them my side of the story. Am I the one at fault here? As I read some of her posts, it struck me how I was feeling exactly the same way - only about her. I feel like she is completely delusional for thinking the things she apparently does but what if I am the one who delusional as she keeps saying?
She says that I am going to wake up and realize she is gone and that I will all alone. In my email to her I addressed that. I said, "You said that I am going to wake up and realize you are gone and I will be alone... I think you need to take a long hard look at that, "Shelley". Look at my life then look at your life and tell me again who is going to wake up and realize she's destroyed her relationship with the only person who would take her in and love her unconditionally despite all of the shit in each of our lives.
Her blog response was not directed to my reading eyes but here is what she said:
She says of course that I'm the one who will be lonely and alone but what she fails to realize is that I've been alone my whole life. It's absolutely nothing new and she didn't show me or give me anything I couldn't do without. However, years from now when her kids are grown and gone about their lives and her husband is tired of putting up with her mental illness, she will be the one who is sad and alone. I, on the other hand, am completely used to it. In fact, I rarely expect anything else. And I guarantee, the rest of my life, no one will ever do this to me again.
To be honest, I almost laughed when I read this. She really does have no clue whatsoever. It's very obvious that we both think the other one is going to regret destroying the relationship. And we both think the other one is in the wrong. We both feel like we had to defend the other to MY family and friends and that we gave the other more than should have been expected. For agreeing on so much, we agree on nothing. We are each firmly convinced that we did the right thing and we each have people who say we are right. So how do I know that I'm am actually in the right? I feel it and people say it's true but still.......?
Oh yeah, one more piece of information has surfaced. When I was in the hospital in December, Hubby's Mom and Aunt came over to clean the house so it would be nice when I came home. Apparently Uber-Bitch spent the entire time bashing me horribly to them. She went on and on about all the things I was doing wrong or not doing. And yet she still claims that she defended me to them. This was WAY before any of this happened. My own best friend was spitting venom at me all along. A new dimension has been added to my heartbreak.
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