"Bodies" by Drowning Pool
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor Beaten why for
Can't take much more
One - Nothing wrong with me
Two - Nothing wrong with me
Three - Nothing wrong with me
Four - Nothing wrong with me
One - Something's got to give
Two - Something's got to give
Three - Something's got to give
NOW!!!
Let the bodies hit the floor
Push me again
This is the end
Skin against skin blood and bone
You're all by yourself but you're not alone
You wanted in now you're here
Driven by hate consumed by fear
Let the bodies hit the floor
When I post about music, it is usually to show songs and lyrics that are insight into my heart. Generally they reflect how I am feeling about things. But this song speaks to anger and frustration and frustration about anger. This seems to be expressing a sentiment that Hubby is currently struggling with. Let me explain...
It was the MIL's birthday Wednesday night and we went out to dinner (which we couldn't afford but did anyways) and then back to their place for dessert. I was having issues with time that day so the kids weren't ready to go when Hubby got home. He went ballistic, sending Kid-2 into hysterical tears and the others into a fearful panic. Then he told me that he had hoped I would at least make myself presentable. Ouch. And yet when we got there, he was way overdressed, the kids looked fine and I was wearing the same caliber of outfit his father was wearing. I jumped all over his ass for upsetting the kids but when he came down on me, I just took it. And I was the one who felt guilty and responsible for the timing fiasco. (We weren't even late, btw and beat several family members there.)
Later he apologized but the damage was done. I was a nervous wreck the whole evening, could hardly make conversation and couldn't make eye contact. I couldn't stop rocking and barely ate anything. But I managed to not cry in front of anyone, thanks to a prolonged detour to the restroom. When he apologized, I still took responsibility for upsetting him but did remind him to please not treat the kids that way.
I think Bodies fits Hubby because he gets so angry that he lashes out at people quite viciously. (Let the bodies hit the floor) He thinks he's in the right, even when he's over-reacting. (Nothing wrong with me) He can't understand why people keep making him mad. And then he can't understand why he even gets so mad. He hates it. (Something's got to give) He seems to be hanging by a thread, all of the time. The slightest thing sets him off (Push me again) And he ends up hurting people, usually by screaming cruel things. (The rest of the song) It's frustrating for everyone.
He says he doesn't understand why he behaves this way. He is going to discuss it with The Med-Shrink when he goes back in a couple weeks. The fact of the matter is, Hubby goes through this very slow cycle that looks an awful lot like bipolar. His cycles last about 3 or 4 years. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the happy-manic. He gets the angry-irritated manic. This usually precedes a major down cycle in which he doesn't want to do anything. He tends to change jobs during these periods. (Gee, like this time.) We end up so frustrated with him, and sometimes things get so bad that even I can't justify his behavior anymore, that someone goes off on him, informs him he's being an asshole and that he can't keep going the way he is or they are going to kick his ass out of this solar system. (I tried to be the person to do this one time. It was not successful and did not go well. I believe his sister did it this time, last night.) Then he goes back to the doctor and gets a new set of meds and within 3 months he's back to the Hubby that I know and love and married 13 years ago. I don't know why it happens, just that it does. And it gives me hope because it can be fixed. (Is that sick/wrong, to be happy that something is wrong with Hubby that needs medical attention?)
Something's got to give...
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