On Becoming Someone Else

As I have already mentioned, it has become obvious that who I am is not who I need to be. I don't think the right things or behave in the right ways. My reactions and instincts point me in the wrong direction and I am generally not who everyone wants me to be. But this process of change is proving to be more difficult than I had hoped. I can change my behaviors to match the me I should be. And with time, I can make those behaviors into habits so that I do them instead of my current actions. It is the thoughts I am struggling with and the emotions. I can teach myself to speak optimistically. I can learn to smile instead of frown. I can go to scrapbooking sessions and family gatherings and smile and participate in them. I can find out the right things to say and memorize them.

But how do I make myself *like* doing these things? How do I make myself feel hopeful when I am speaking optimistically? How do I make myself feel happy when I smile? How do I convince myself to believe the things I say? I can change how I act but how do I change who I *AM*?