And then I told her I would do anything she wanted, make any changes she wanted in how and what I do for and with the baby. I would get us involved in activities with other babies, or get new toys, or never give advice again or whatever this free daycare has that I don't... I'd make it happen.
She chose daycare. Here are excerpts from the email reply she sent:
my healthy family's advisor feels that would be the best place for her because these people are TRAINED to develop babies and children and prepare them for preschool. Many of them have social services degrees or teaching certificates etc. They can keep track of her development benchmarks and make sure she meets or surpasses them as she should.
So this is what they can do that I can't: take care of her like she deserves. Okay, I get it...
There's more, despite us having this exact conversation and me telling her exactly why having Baby here is more help than harm AND that both Craig and I understand AND DON'T CARE about the money. Dammit - it's NEVER been about the money! But she says,
One of my biggest problems is financial and practical. You have MORE than enough on your plate and I know how [HUBBY] is - he wants me to pay you and I can't. He doesn't understand my finances and neither do you. And frankly, I'm an adult and not responsible for explaining my money spending reasons with anyone. I'm certainly not going to start now. You both will just have to trust that I'm doing what's right and best for [BABY] and I financially.
So she thinks that she should choose free daycare because she can't pay me and is very specific that her money is her business and NONE OF MINE. (We've discussed money before... whether or not certain things are viable, where we stand in our lives, how a lack of money really sucks, venting over how much specific things cost... that kind of thing.)
So, to recap, we'll be going from me having Baby 10-ish hours a day 5-ish days a week to me seeing her sometimes on the weekends if she has time or needs a sitter because I can't take care of Baby right. My hubby and I supposedly have issues with her not paying me that make me want her to take Baby away. And I have no business discussing money with her, especially if we disagree over it. Then she ends with this...
I am certainly more than happy to share her with you and I'm not taking her away from you. We can work out time for you two to be together. I could never take her away from you and you know that. You're Auntie [ME] and she loves you. And if the daycare thing doesn't work out I'm more than happy to bring her back to you if you'll have her but I'm being told by someone who is an expert and has a bachelor's degree in child development who says this is the best thing for her.
Don't stop giving me advice - I need that. Even if we disagree. Even if we fight. I need you there to be my big sister, my mother hen - to give me a shoulder to cry on and someone to share laughter with. I need you to be there for her as she grows up and for me as my daughter grows up and becomes a woman.
So... don't give your opinion but don't stop giving advice. You can't watch her and will have to schedule time to be with her (which she usually breaks our "dates", BTW) but be there for us as she grows up.
All I say now is... whatever. I hurt so bad last night I wanted to die. I still do. But I am going numb at a rapid pace and maybe this is a good thing. Numb would be better than feeling my heart has been ripped out, sew back in poorly, and ripped out again. ("Why a spoon, Cousin?" "Because it would hurt more!" Robin Hood Prince of Thieves) I'm losing another baby. I can't handle this...
"Calgon! Take me away!"
The song "It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)" (REM) keeps running through my head.
