Snapshot in Time (Symptom Questionnaire)

I am working on changing psychiatrists. To that end, I have scheduled an appointment for a "second opinion" with the Kids' Shrink. When I did, he gave me this huge list of symptoms to fill out. There are a bazillion statements and I was supposed to put a + by the ones that apply to me, cross out the ones that don't apply to me, put a ++ by the ones that describe me perfectly and make any comments I felt appropriate. It took me close to three hours to complete the questionnaire. It occurred to me that this questionnaire provides a detailed look at where I am at psychologically; it's a snapshot in time. I think it might be helpful for me to look at these things as I try to create my road map for becoming more emotionally healthy. (Not to mention just plain fascinating to read and dissect!) I'm going to put it up here so I don't lose it.

WARNING: THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY long and I don't expect anyone to read the whole thing. I just want a record of it and I think I can learn a lot about myself at this moment in time from it.

Here are my responses exactly how I put them down:
_______________

Mood:

+   I feel sad.
      I cry easily. Not in front of others but often when I am alone
+   I lack energy
+   I feel slowed down.
++I feel guilty like I have done something wrong
+   I feel hopeless about the future
++I think a lot about death and dying
      Life is not worth living Mine isn't but my kids' is
+   I feel emotionally numb
---------> the one above this and below this I put a bracket to tie them together with the comment I swing between these
+   I am very emotional
      I feel irritable and short-tempered no more often than anyone else
      My temper gets out of control almost never
+   My mood changes for no reason doesn't everyone's?
      I have mood swings without reason
+   I get upset easily
      Sometimes I feel more happy than normal
      Sometimes I feel on top of the world
+   I worry too much
+   I'm afraid of leaving home I do anyways
      I am afraid of being alone with 8 people in this house, I barely remember "alone"
      I am afraid of sleeping alone no more or less than anything else
+   I have panic attacks
+   Sometimes I feel so scared as if I will go crazy or die
      Sometimes I feel so scared as if I am having a heart attack I have learned these aren't heart attacks
+   My heart beats too fast during panic attacks
++I am afraid of things/places/situations that most people handle fine
++I am very shy
++I am afraid to speak in front of strangers
++I am very self-conscious

Speech:

      I talk too much
      I talk very little
      My thoughts do not make sense they make sense to me!
      I stutter
      My speech is odd and unusual

Thought Content:

++I think I am worthless
++I feel inferior to others
      I think I am important and special (I used four lines to cross this one out)
      I think that people are watching me
+   I think that people are talking about me
      I do not easily trust others complicated to explain this one. i give everyone the benefit of the doubt on their own behalves but still assume they think ill of me and/or mean me harm
      I think this world is full of trickery
++People just do not understand me
++I think a lot about my past abuse and bad memories
+   I hear voices that other people don't hear
+   I see things that other people don't see
++I think bad thoughts
+   I cannot get bad thoughts out of my mind
      I worry about getting a serious illness
+   I have many aches and pain
      I have many things wrong with the body define "many"?
      I think my face does not look right
++I think I am ugly
+   I think about being overweight a lot define "a lot"?
+   Things feel unreal
      I feel unreal, as if I am in a dream not all the time
++I lose periods of time of which I have no memory
++I feel unsure of myself
+   I have no clear plans for the future

Behavior:

      I do the same activities over and over again only because we have scheduled activities
      I have my routines and rituals only what it takes to keep a household of 8 running
      I fidget a lot
+   I am unable to sit quietlyi have to be doing something
+   I am often on the go see comment about having 8 people in the household
      I am impatient no more than anyone else
      I have trouble waiting for turns
      I interrupt others
++I get into other people's business
      I love fighting (I used four lines to cross this out) I HATE IT!
      I bully others
+   I am cruel to people I don't mean to be but I still end up hurting their feelings! :-(
      I am cruel to animals
      I destroy property in anger
      I have been in trouble with the law
      I steal
      I lie a lot (I used two lines to cross this out)
      I break rules a lot
++I keep making the same mistakes again and again
      I do not like people telling me what to do
++I just cannot make decisions

Tics and Obsessions:

      I make noises
      I have muscle twitches
      I miss school more than average N/A
+   I miss work a lot on SSDI so, definition, yes
      I check things over and over
      I wash my hands over and over
+   I count over and over as an anxiety coping device
      I hoard things
      I find it hard to throw things away

Focus and Persistence and Learning:

++I find it hard to stick to things
+   I find it hard to be a self-starter
++I make careless mistakes
+   I have a hard time focusing on boring things
      I don't listen when spoken to
++I leave tasks and chores incomplete
++I start many things and leave them incomplete
++I have a hard time getting organized
++I lose things
+   I get easily distracted by my surroundings
+   I am forgetful
+   I am unable to stay awake and alert more than average but not currently to the point of being incapacitated
+   I have a hard time focusing
      I am accident prone
      I am clumsy
+   I am not well coordinated
      I have problems learning in school
      I am unable to read well
      I am unable to write well
      I have problems dealing with Math

Relations and Adaptation:

+   I cut myself
+   I used to cut myself but not any more this is the goal! :-)
+   I burn myself also past tense
      I have a hard time getting along with my family members
      I have a hard time getting along with others at school N/A
      I have a hard time getting along with others at workN/A
?   I am very self-absorbed probably? maybe? I don't know...
      I am unable to have fun with other people people make me very nervous. if I can get past that, I am able to have fun
      I am unable to connect emotionally with others
      I blame others for my mistakes
      I hold grudges only against myself
      I argue with others
      I hate being bossed around
      I do not like people in authority
      I do not like to be told what to do
?   I manipulate others to get my way
      I am not sensitive to the needs of others
      I am jealous/envious of people better off than me no more than anyone else
++I am very upset by criticism. I feel attacked
      People find me too controlling
      People annoy me a lot
      I like taking care of details
      I like things done just right
+   It is hard for me to find help in the community mostly because I have trouble asking for it
      I do not feel close to other people
      I often ignore bathing/showering/my personal appearance define "often"? when my depression is at its worst, I don't care enough or have enough energy to do anything about it

Eating and Sleeping:

      I do not enjoy eating these days
+   I eat more than I should
      Sometimes I eat a lot of food in one sitting "a lot" as in too much, not as in binging
      I make myself throw
      I sometimes take several laxative pills close together
++I feel too fat
      I use laxitaves daily
      I sometimes eat things others do not consider food
      I have lost weight I did for a while - almost 25 lbs
+   I have gained weight
      Over my life, my weight has gone up and down a lot
++I have a hard time getting to sleep
++I wake up a lot during the night
+   I wake up tired and unrefreshed
+   I feel fatigued during the days
+   I feel sleepy during the day
+   I have nightmares
      I do not need much sleep
      I walk at night and do not remember it the next day
      I talk at night and do not remember it the next day
      I eat at night and do not remember it the next day
      I drive at night and do not remember it the next day
      I wet the bed at night
      I soil the clothes

Substance Abuse and Additions:

      I smoke cigarettes
      I used to smoke cigarettes but do not anymore
      I chew tobacco
      I used to chew tobacco but do not anymore
      I used to drink to excess but not anymore
+   I sometimes feel guilty about my drinking
      I have felt that I need to cut down my drinking
      I get annoyed by people telling me that I need to cut down my drinking no one tells me that
      Sometimes I need a drink of alcohol to get around in the morning
      I smoke marijuana
      I used to smoke marijuana but I do not any more
      I use cocaine/meth/crank
      I used cocaine/meth/crank but I do not any more
      I abuse other drugs or prescriptions
      I have abused other drugs or prescriptions in the past but I do not any more
      I have problems with withdrawal from drugs or alcohol
      I have had problems with withdrawal from drugs or alcohol in the past
      I huff gas/markers
      I used to use gas/markers but do not any more

Sex: (you would not believe how hard it was for me to type this section! *sigh*)

+   My sexual desire is less than normal
      My sexual desire is more than normal
+   I have difficulty in achieving orgasm
      (guy question i'm not going to type)
      I engage in sexual behavior that many people see as abnormal

Primary Work/School/Social Performance:

+   I enjoy my work (or school) when I am well
      I enjoy my work (or school) these days
      I perform well at my work (or school) when I am well
      I perform well at my work (or school) these days
+   I am unable to attend work (or school)
++I am on long term disability
      I have many friends

Childhood

      I was physically abused as a child
+   I was sexually abused as a child
      I was emotionally abused as a child currently under debate
      My basic needs were not met as a child
      I saw a lot of fighting in my home as a child only fights involving me but define "a lot"
++I could never do well enough for my parentsmother growing up
+   I was loved as a child
+   I had a hard time growing up
+   I ran away from home but I was returned home by the cops a few hours later