Random Thoughts (Deep Thoughts Edition)

Baby turns 2 years old in a month. Baby isn't such a baby any more. To that end, I am changing her "name" from Baby to Kid-5. Since she lives here, she may as well be one of mine and even when they move out (why is "if" sticking in my head?) she will still be a huge part of our lives. In keeping with that, Baby-Mommy's "name" will be changing to BFF.

I seem to have slept off that anger that gripped me so tightly since last weekend. I got up this morning not quite as irritable and kept the idea of biting my tongue in the front of my thoughts. I got the kids off to school and I came home and went back to bed. I couldn't sleep because the phone kept ringing and the sun was too bright and blah blah blah... But I stayed under the covers and I hid from the world. I let my thoughts roam where they would and now, 12 hours later, I can't even remember what all I mulled over. At noon BFF called me and indicated with limited (though attempted) subtlety that I should get up. Twenty minutes later, I did. And when I did, the anger had melted away. I didn't have to suppress it or bite my tongue or anything - it just wasn't being triggered. YAY FOR SLEEP!

Things to ponder:

Why do I base so much of what I do on what other people want me to do, regardless of whether or not I want or need to do it? (I have been helping BFF edit poetry all day. Ick.)

Why do I not do things I know I need to do? (From household chores to personal goals.)

I just filled out this extensive symptom questionnaire for the new Med-Shrink. There's a LOT of information there. I think I am going to share it here, see if I can make some heads or tails of it, save a snapshot of where I am at right now, and use it to draw up the road map that I have to do without The Shrink's guidance. Personally, it fascinates me - all the information it contains in one concise(-ish) little packet.

I think everyone bases their world-view on a question (or, for some people, more than one). I am a "why" person. I want to know why things work, why people think and do what they do, why things are the way they are. It was a bit of a surprise to realize that most people don't think like this, even people that I thought would. I wonder what I can do with this knowledge...

Where is my life going? I live my life for my kids right now. Everything I do from the details (like what to buy at the store) to the big picture (like bothering to stay alive at all) - it's for my kids. Do I want to change that? Is it possible? Why? How?

MOOD: tired but pensive
PERFECT SONG: Heaven Forbid (The Fray)