Two Inches Tall

The children's choir puts out a roster of everyone in each choir, sorted by zip code. This is to facilitate car-pooling. I looked ours over, checked for names I recognized, and filed it with other choir papers that I will most likely never look at again but had better keep just in case. Then what to my wondering ears should appear, but a phone call from the mother of a kid in Kid-2's choir. She lives nearby and is having transportation problems. Can they catch a ride with us?

Sure, not a problem. So we got to talking, first on the phone, then in the car on the way to choir, a little at the parent meeting during rehearsal and finally in the car on the way home. She also has 4 kids with 2 in the choirs. She has them spaced at 14 (boy), 12 (boy), 10 (boy) and 5 (girl). As things go on, it turns out that her daughter was born at home, surrounded by her loving family and her 3 boys and the eldest cut the cord... And they go to the Fine Arts Magnet School because the other school (where mine go) just isn't diverse enough. She loves to cook and they make everything from scratch because the processed foods are just so unhealthy and poor tasting. Her kids aren't in as many activities as mine but that's how it should be so they have more quality time together - plus they get enrichment from school.

Her son is a nicely dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered young man. Their house is big, beautiful two-story that is immaculately tended and in a great area. I can just picture how neat and tidy their house must be, how everyone does their share and the laundry is done and the dishes are clean and the bathrooms aren't considered finished until the whole thing has been cleaned, not just the top surfaces. I half expected to see a few cheerful woodland creatures or her wearing pearls and heels, but maybe they aren't appropriate for a choir parents' meeting.

I was late getting there. I got lost trying to find the house. So we were late to choir rehearsal. And I couldn't find parking. On the way home, Choir-Mom and Kid-2 were talking about how Kid-2 likes to cook because I hate it and suck at it and she cooks fish sticks and macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets and things. And Choir-Mom tells her that she should come over some night and Choir-Mom will teach her how to cook "real food" (her phrase) and how I should come too because it's never too late to learn the right way to do something, especially something as important as good cooking.

As we pulled away, I felt about two inches tall. The one thing that I pride myself on is loving my kids and being as good of a mother as I can be. People keep telling me that I don't have to be Super-Mom, that there's no such thing as Super-Mom. They tell me that I'm doing great with my kids and what a good mother I am.

Indeed, I had been basking the warmth of juggling our schedules - with time to pick up strays - and still being alive at the end of the day to mend hearts... Until I heard about how Choir-Mom practically is the very Super-Mom people have been saying doesn't exist. So they aren't (yet) a two-car family... that appears to be the only thing I can say that I do better than she does. And that could be seen as a lifestyle choice.

I don't mean this to sound like I am trying to be competitive, that what matters to me is being the best at things or that being a good mom means I'm better than other mothers. Although there is some feeling of "who does better", it was much more friendly, like sharing tips and things rather than competing, comparing ideas and how we do things.

And it is in that comparison that I felt so very, very small. It's not about being better than Choir-Mom. It's the fact that I saw with my very own eyes how much better (than where I am) I should be. I felt like all my failings were hung out to dry. I can't cook, I don't clean, my kids go to public school, and we single-handedly keep the pharmacy in business. Compared to everything I should be doing, I am not doing much at all.

By the time we got to our birthday dinner at my mother's house, I felt like I was barely two inches tall......