In my last post, I drew the (already known) conclusion that I give people a lot of power over me by caring so intensely about their opinions of me. Power has been a theme lately as I struggle to master control of myself and my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I struggle with letting others control me. Mostly this is a struggle to convince myself not to let them when I'd much rather just go ahead and give them that power.
So I've been thinking about my tendency to do this, to hand over my power to others voluntarily, and about the way that I take that power back when confronted with a situation that I will not let stand. (Go ahead, mess with my kids and see who has the power then!!) The conclusion that I reached is that I don't give them power over me, I give them my power, which I have the ability to take back if I simply choose to do so. And I have done so, even to the people that I fear the most and have willingly given everything over to. I have stood up to Hubby when he hurts the children. I have put my mother in her place when she is out of control. I have gone up against the school system to get the services my children need. So it isn't that I am incapable of owning my personal power, it is that I am unwilling to do so.
The following are lyrics to the song that created itself inside my head:
All My Power
I am fragile as a flower,
til I show my power,
then I will not cower,
and you won’t know me at all.
If you think that you have beat me,
think you can defeat me,
well you don’t want to meet me
when my back’s against the wall.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
I let you pick me up, put me down or walk all over me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
But I can take that power back and take control of me.
You can make me,
you can break me,
but you cannot take me
anywhere that I don’t wanna go.
You can lead me where you want
You can tell me what you want
You can hurt me if you want,
But all that power comes from me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
I let you pick me up, put me down or walk all over me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
But I can take that power back and take control of me.
(quieter)
But if that is my power,
Then why do I cower,
Fragile as a flower
And take whatever comes to me?
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
I let you pick me up, put me down or walk all over me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.
I gave you all the power that you’re holding over me.....
The worst jokes I have ever written
14 years ago
1 comment:
A good friend one pissed me off royaly by telling me that no one can make me feel badly about myself if I was not already feeling insure in the first place. I hated her for saying that at the time, but in hindsigh she was right.
We are ass trong as we feel, as powerful as we think we are, and we are as good as we want to be.
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