I Will Let You Down

Let You Down by Three Days Grace

Trust me
There’s no need to fear
Everyone’s here
Waiting for you to finally be one of us

Come down
You may be full of fear
But you’ll be safe here
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

Trust me
I’ll be there when you need me
You’ll be safe here
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

Never want to come down
Never want to come down
Never want to come down

(Down, let you down)

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I think this song was written about drugs. The whole "come down" thing sounds like drugs. But if I look at this in a "how does this relate to me" manner, it could just as easily mean mood. Because every time my mood seems to lift for a while, it comes crashing back down. And I never want to come down.

This song feels so much like me. It's like they've been watching my past behavior and know how I'm going to end up this time because that's how I end up every time.

Trust me, I'll be there when you need me. You'll be safe here. And when you finally trust me, finally believe in me... I will let you down.

I try so hard to do the things that need to be done, to be the person that others can turn to for help and when they need someone, to live up to the expectations of society, of family and friends, of myself. And I do alright for a while. And people start saying things like "It's great to see you smile." and "You've been doing so good lately." and "I'm so glad you're feeling better." But then I can't maintain it and just when people start to think they can trust me to be who I need to be, want to be... I let them down. I crash and I don't get something important done or I screw up something major. My mood comes back down and I let people down.

I don't want to fight any more. It feels really good when people tell me how good I'm doing and how they can see a change in me and all that stuff. But it's exhausting and confusing and uncomfortable. I think it just isn't worth it.

I don't want to learn to be angry. I don't want to learn to be confrontational. I don't want to learn to say no to people. I don't want to learn to make decisions based on what I want instead of what would be best for others or what others want.

I want to crawl back inside my shell. I like the role of peacemaker. I like doing things for others if there is any way I possibly can. I prefer to make my decisions based on what is expected of me. I understand that role. I know how to play that game. I don't want to learn all these other skills. I want to learn to be better at what I already do.

Don't teach me to get angry; teach me to get rid of the anger I have in a safe manner. Don't teach me to say no; teach me to be stronger so I can keep going. Don't tell me how others should be treating me better; tell me how to treat others better. Don't make me look at the past; show me how to keep it locked away.

It's too much. Time to pull back, retreat. It's taking more out of me than I have to give and if I keep pushing this, I'm going to fall. And if I fall, I will do it again: I will let you down.

Link to a Doctor Who mvid to Let You Down