Neighbor-Guy Makes Me Happy

The Neighbor-Guy that lives to the left of us is a retired schoolteacher. He lives alone in his neat little ranch house. His lawn is always well kept and his driveway always shoveled. He is a very nice man, pleasant to talk to and always ready with a smile and a kind word. He's a good neighbor, keeping an eye out for people and property without going too far over the line into busy-body.

But the thing that makes Neighbor-Guy stand out, the thing about him that makes me happy, is how wonderful he is with the neighbor kids, mine included. His yard is large and unfenced and, combined with our front yard, makes a great football field or baseball diamond. His driveway is smoother than ours which makes it better for roller-blading and skateboarding. And he welcomes them playing there. He is also well-known for coming out and playing ball with the kids, especially baseball. He's truly great with them: patient, encouraging, enthusiastic, good listener, good mediator, great referee. He sticks to the rules and expects the kids to behave appropriately but is rarely ever cross with them and never yells or loses his temper. If he sees something upsetting, he is not above letting the parents in on it, but he's not a tattletale.

To be honest, those qualities I just described exhibited in a neighbor with no kids of his own and no relation to the kids he is around....? Well, they make you think twice. While it is true that many adults truly enjoy kids and like to be around them to a point, there is also the neon sign flashing its warning about sexual predators, especially regarding single guys, living alone, with a strong interest in the neighborhood kids. In fact, the one time I mentioned Neighbor-Guy to The Shrink, he got really edgy. Now, I have to factor in that The Shrink has a predisposition towards suspicions of that nature. I know and understand where he comes by that and I'm not saying he's right or wrong, just that I prefer to analyze the situation and draw my own conclusions from it. Which I did with Neighbor-Guy.

Here are my reasons for NOT worrying about Neighbor-Guy:

1) Supervision - This is the biggest and most heavily weighted factor on my list. Neighbor-Guy has a very strict policy on being alone with the kids, any of them. His policy is that it doesn't happen, period. The kids are not permitted inside his house without an accompanying parent. (And I've only seen this happen once.) He doesn't take them places. He doesn't come over and babysit. When he plays with the kids, it is outside, in full view of the entire neighborhood. He makes a clear point of never setting up a situation where any suspicion could be cast. There is, literally, no opportunity for anything inappropriate to happen. Even without any of the rest of this list, this factor instills trust in me for him regarding treatment of my kids.

2) Past history - Neighbor-Guy is a retired schoolteacher. He taught basically forever and retired on great terms. My SIL is familiar with him from his teaching days and while she didn't know him personally, she reports nothing negative or suspicious has ever been mentioned or implied from when he was teaching. His having been a teacher shows a clear pattern of being interested in kids - he likes them. So it makes sense that he still enjoys being around them. Retiring from a job doesn't mean losing interest in what was appealing about it.

3) Balance - Neighbor-Guy doesn't revolve himself or his life or activities around the kids in the neighborhood. If they are out playing and he has time, he might join in. This is usually when he gets home from somewhere and before he goes inside. He doesn't spend excessive amounts of time with them - an hour, sometimes more, frequently less. He doesn't seek them out - it's not like he comes over and asks if they want to play. In 9 years, he has come over twice to inquire about a kid doing something. (Once was to get Kid-1 to rake leaves with him - our leaves blow into his yard all the time, so he proposed that he and Kid-1 together rake both yards. They were outside the entire time. The other time was have anyone who was interested help him reseed the front yard - because the kids had torn it up during a rough game of football in squishy weather. Again, they were outside the entire time.)

4) Physical boundaries - Neighbor-Guy isn't a touchy-feely kind of guy. He doesn't hug the kids or make much physical contact at all while they play. He doesn't necessarily avoid touching - he once showed one of the kids how to follow through throwing a baseball by moving his arm through the arc and he will help the littlest ones bat by batting "with" them. But he doesn't go in for hugs or chest bumps or pick them up or anything. He maintains his personal physical space and expects them to do the same. He sets very appropriate personal boundaries.

5) Instinct - I allow this one to be overridden when evidence suggests I am overly trusting. In general, though, I have pretty good instincts about whether someone can be trusted with my kids. My gut will send me warning signals. I never ignore them. But my instincts on Neighbor-Guy lean towards trust. I feel happy about his involvement with the neighborhood kids. I feel good that they have him as a role model for involvement while demonstrating good boundaries.

So... Neighbor-Guy makes me happy. I like the way he plays with the kids. I like how he teaches them and encourages them and enjoys them and is interested in their well-being while still maintaining an appropriate distance. He's a genuinely good guy - he helps restore my faith in humanity.