Crash and Burn

For the record, I am not crashing and burning. I am just fine. Peachy, in fact.

Do you believe me? Neither do I. Neither do any of the people around me.

That's why I'm back here. I can't talk to them. I can't make a bad situation worse. They are so stressed already and a big part of that is because of me. They worry about me spiraling or they are having to cover for me or they are having to smooth over things that I have stirred up or they are just plain frustrated by me and and sick of my crap. I want to get it out, to vent and rant and whine and despair, but in a place and a way that I won't hurt anyone.

Is that even possible? To be miserable and to express that unhappiness - without hurting anyone?

When my family hurts, I hurt. Even when it has nothing to do with me, I hurt. I hurt especially when there is nothing I can do to fix their hurts. So perhaps my very existence hurts not just me but them... again.

*sigh*