I'm Cured!

Had good news from therapy this morning: I am doing so well and have made so much progress that we have gone to every other week appointments, starting immediately!

Truly, my progress is dramatic. It would be hard to recognize me as the same girl I used to be. Perhaps it would be like looking at identical twins separated at birth; same DNA but not the same person at all.

I started seeing The Shrink at the end of January four years ago following a hospitalization. At the time, I was basically non-functional. I remember my first appointment with him. I was terrified. I didn't want to look at him, let alone talk to him. The only reason I kept going back to anyone was to keep my family happy. The only reason I kept going back to him was because he is gorgeous and has a very soothing voice. At that time I was actively suicidal and completely lost inside my own head. The only thing keeping me alive was guilt over the pain my suicide would have caused.

I've come a long way since then. I am not actively suicidal anymore, meaning that trying to find a way to make it happen without destroying my family no longer consumes me. I just finished my first term back in school with straight A's, missing less than 25 points (out of about 1,600) in all assignments, tests and papers from all four classes. I made it through last spring without being hospitalized and will make it through Christmas/New Year's also. I no longer take the blame for every problem in existence, whether it had anything to do with me or not. I am even able to acknowledge that I have good traits. (I truly love and care about my family and I am intelligent enough to succeed in college.) Recently I have even learned to occasionally stand my ground when I am right. (Granted, that rarely happens, but when it does, I will sometimes stand my ground to defend it. Once, I even stood my ground to defend myself!)

The difference is night and day. The Shrink sees that. He says that I don't need him like I used to and that I am doing great. Pretty soon, even every other week will be unnecessary and it will become once a month and then as needed. YAY ME! I'm graduating...