Random Thoughts

Once again my head is swimming with ideas I want to bounce around but don't have the time to do full blog posts about. Usually, by the time I have the time I am willing to spend on blogging, most of the ideas have dwindled into hazy memories, if they are still present at all. So here's a quick list, to remind myself later, what I was mulling over today:

Thanksgiving: How to be grateful with a pessimistic outlook.

Theory vs Application: I understand so much of what I am learning in my life. In academics, I have started to see everyday examples of the concepts we are studying. A few still escape me, like trying to tell when a fallacy, although wrong in structure, may still be true in content. Mostly, though, the things I learn in therapy and life seem to escape me when it comes time to put them into practice. I am perfectly capable of identifying the good side to almost anything... but it is an intellectual recognition and more often than not, there is no corresponding boost in optimism. Or I understand the concept of being more willing to accept my strengths but when I try to incorporate the thoughts, my head explodes with negativity. I get it... I just can't use it.

Things I Do Right: The Shrink had me make a list of 20 things I do right. It was a nightmare and I still only got 12 honest ones and another 6 with strong conditions attached. That's close...

Checklist for Qualities and Actions that Make a "Good Mom": this is the homework for this week. We made a list of qualities that a good mom necessarily possesses. Now I need to go through and give each one two ratings, scale 0 - 100. One rating is an objective rating of how well I achieve the item, striving to be based on evidence and NOT on feeling. The other rating is the opposite. It is how well I feel that I achieve the item, my own subjective perception of it. Next week we'll tackle the evidence versus the perception.

Ditch the Religion: I am on a bit of an anti-religion kick at the moment. This is not to be confused with atheism or even agnosticism. I still consider myself very spiritual. But I simply cannot back organized religion at this time. I tried, believe me I tried! I think it would be so much easier to have that kind of blind faith in the teachings of a particular doctrine, faith so unshakable that it supports my spirit when I would despair, faith so unquestioning that, even when life contradicts everything that seems good and holy, I could still cling to it and stay afloat. And I tried... I did the whole church every Sunday thing. We took most of the new member class and learned about the religion. But I just can't swallow it.

The meaning of Christmas: Given the anti-religious sentiments I have at the moment, where does Christmas fit into my life? I'm not buying into the whole "birth of the Savior" concept because I don't buy into most of the foundation for it. But in my mind, Christmas transcends Christianity. It is about humanity. I need to find my Christmas spirit soon. To do that, I will need to reassess what Christmas actually means to me.

What is a Racist? I started a post on this. Is it first thoughts? Consciously corrected thoughts? Spoken beliefs? Actual behavior? If you are racist but don't want to be, does that mean you actually aren't? Or does it mean that you will forever be racist?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: What is respect? Why do we give it? Why do we withdraw it? Why do we lose it? What makes someone worthy of respect? Why do we respect or withdraw respect for the wrong reasons? Must respect be mutual to be valid?

Life Lessons of Late: I've learned some pretty huge things here recently. I learned the difference between rescuing and helping. I've learned the value of trust. I've learned that sometimes the opinions that others express can be right even when we don't want to believe them. I've learned to stand my ground, at least a little bit. I've learned that placing any expectations at all on someone sets me up to be let down and/or betrayed, no matter how appropriate those expectations are. I've learned that I can do something right - even on my own merits. I've learned that being "good at" does not require being "perfect at". I've learned that unconditional love doesn't go away, even after a betrayal, even if you want it to. I've learned that loving a person does not require wanting to associate with them. I've learned that a horrible experience with one person does not mean another person will be horrible too, even in similar circumstances. I've learned that kids are tough, tougher than I am sometimes.

Happy Holidays! Some people get irritated when people say happy holidays instead of merry christmas. But what if you say it that way not to be politically correct but because you hope that all of their holidays are happy? Merry Christmas is rather limiting in that respect. I think I am going to try "May all your holidays be happy!" instead of MC or HH...

(PS - pardon the lack of proof-reading. I am WAY out of time!!)