Many Little Things

It is one of those times where a host of smallish problems has added up to the feeling of being overwhelmed, powerless, and devoid of hope.

My mouth hurts worse than I ever remember it hurting except when my jaw was broken. Nothing eases it enough for me to concentrate.

Kid-1 is in a vicious cycle of defiance that is exhausting to deal with for all of us.

A stomach flu bug is making its rounds through the house. Kid-3 had it Monday, I had it yesterday, Kid-2 has it today...

I didn't get as much studying done before my sociology exam as I would have liked, mostly due to the above named factors, so I think I missed at least 5 points on the exam (out of 100 possible points).

I am trying to go through the study guide for my critical thinking class and once again frustrated beyond belief at the way the class is playing out. The presentation of the material has been spotty and downright counter-productive at times. There are things on this study guide that we NEVER DISCUSSED and aren't in our books either.

Hubby needs me to do some major revisions for our popcorn sales tracking program for Cub Scouts. I can do them; it will just be time consuming and a little bit frustrating.

Mom has to go in for a PET scan on Friday. They ordered a repeat CT scan to check on the pneumonia spot in her lung that seemed odd when she was first diagnosed. It is still there and it isn't pneumonia. We are all thinking the same thing but no one wants to say it out loud: lung cancer. She has been a prolific smoker since she was a teenager so this isn't a paranoia-induced, unlikely possibility. But I am terrified. I am scared for her, for my dad, for my kids and for myself. I'm not ready to lose my mother! I know I am getting way ahead of myself here so I am trying very hard not to panic. So far, it isn't working.

And, of course, in addition to all of these added stressors, there are all of the normal ones. The worry about money, the kids' grades, extra-curricular activities, church, household maintenance, laundry, dishes, in-laws.... The list goes on and on, as it always has and undoubtedly always will. Right now, today, I don't feel strong enough to handle everything. All of these straws, so insignificant on their own, are adding up to a very heavy weight. And I can't afford to have my back break for all the normal reasons.

Please God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here...
Please God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here...
Please God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here...
Please God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here...
Please God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here...