Still Kicking

I looked at a friend's blog this evening and saw how long it had been since she last posted. I'm a bit worried about her as she has her own share of struggles to deal with and has been known to get suicidal. I hope she is okay. The last post from her was from mid-March.

Then I realized that my last post was January 4th. And I have been known to get suicidal as well. I don't have a big pool of readers - that has never been the goal of my blogging - but there are a few who are still checking in here, according to my hit logs. A few of them, like my Guardian Angel, are in plentiful contact with me and know that I am still here, breathing in and out every single day.

So here is the official word: I am alive and kicking. Things have gone up and things have gone down and things have averaged out and pretty much run their normal course. My optimism from January has long dissolved but things have certainly been worse too.

I am about 2/3 of the way through spring semester and my grades are holding. I was very discouraged for a while, thought I wouldn't be able to pull A's this term. I had neglected to take in account that I am taking harder classes than in the fall so it hasn't been quite as easy. But they are holding.

A very good friend of mine attempted suicide. He lived. Everything got very dramatic for a while with everything thrown out of proportion. They also got very uncomfortable with some rather ugly realizations coming to light. Maybe we knew they were there all along and just tried not to see them. It's amazing how even when things were at their cruelest with him, there was never that devastating betrayal like with Her.

Things disintegrate with Kid-1 daily. But I think a lot of it is me. I'm finding myself getting more and more angry with him. But I rediscovered the power of the ultimate numb. It will get me through this. If anything can get me through this, the numbness will.

At any rate, I just wanted to tell the world that I am alive. And don't worry if you don't hear from me. Just busy and all that...