Cycles

I guess everything goes in cycles. Seems strange that I haven't posted here in well over a year. I haven't posted anywhere, though. I just stopped blogging. Partly because I was doing so horribly at the time I stopped blogging and then moved from that horrible black place to doing pretty darned good, maybe the best I've been in a decade. Partly because I felt like my posts are a burden on anyone who felt obligated to read them. The whole point to blogging on an open blog rather than a private journal or blog that is locked down so no one can read it is that it lets me vent in a way that I can push the feelings and problems and whining and complaining out there, away from me. It's the catharsis concept, the way that finally telling a painful secret is supposed to make you feel better, that confession is good for the soul. If it stays totally private, it isn't truly released. It's given words and expression, which is helpful, but it isn't actually released. Yet at the same time, I had wonderfully supportive readers - something I am not accustomed to. (That felt so positive and uplifting and AMAZING!!) But when I found myself ranting about the same things and being negative and whining all of the time, I didn't think that was fair to those wonderfully positive readers - making them feel the need to comfort me when I don't deserve it and making them read all of my crap out of obligation.

It's been over a year now. Hopefully I won't be a burden on them anymore. I feel so low again - I have thought several times in the past month that I want to try to write through some of the thoughts and feelings that are swirling around in my head. Now, I think I am going to try doing that. It's time to find my voices again. I can hear them in my head, maybe they are ready to come out and talk again...