There is a technique that I've learned that really helps me. It calms me down and lets me start thinking rationally again. I look at the situation that has me freaking out and ask myself what is the worst thing that could happen. Once I've acknowledged the worst thing, I ask myself what I would do then. Once I make a plan for handling the worst case, I don't obsess with worry over it anymore.
For example, the papers I just did for school. I was so worried about not getting them done on time that I paralyzed myself and couldn't write them. So I asked myself what would be the worst thing that could happen. The answer: I wouldn't get the papers done in time and would get an F in course. That would be truly horrible. BUT... if I got an F in the course, I can always retake it and it would disappear out of my GPA. Now the worst case isn't a scary, shadowy, mystery any more and I can focus. (BTW, I got the papers written. I actually got As on them and therefore in the class but because I was prepared to cope with any grade I received, the fear didn't paralyze me any more.)
This really works for me. It gets me unstuck out of the paralyzing fear of failure. But it bothers people if I try to involve them. They say that I'm being pessimistic. Or they just tell me that I won't fail and how much faith they have in me. It doesn't matter if I tell them that I just need to know it will be okay if I do fail; all they tell me is that I won't fail. I've never been able to get them to see that planning for the worst helps me stop freaking out about whether or not it will come to pass.
So when I read this part in the book about rebutting catastrophizing, I was shocked (in a good way). On page 166, it says,
"There are many rebuttals to this pervasive distortion:" [snip]
Think, "OK, let's assume the worst really is happening or will happen. What will I do then?" There is something calming about fully facing the worst, accepting that it could happen or is happening, and then determine what you would do to improve upon the worst. Turn a "What if..." to an "If... then..." (If such and such happens, then I'll do such and such to make the best of the situation and salvage what I can.) [snip]
It goes on to talk about asking what if the worst doesn't happen. I change that just slightly to read more like, "So if the worst happens, I can handle it. That means I don't have to be afraid now. So what can I do to make sure the worst DOESN'T happen?
The moral of the story is, the coping device that I use frequently but that people don't think is a good one turns out to be a good idea after all. Maybe if I show this part of the book to the people who want to tell me nothing except that the worst WON'T happen, they will understand what I am trying to do and how they can help me with it...
