New Year Changes

It's a new year and things are looking up. Classes start soon and I am both excited and terrified. The holidays are passed and with it went a lot of the stress. A few more weeks to push through and I will be past this time of year which, although not as hard as springtime, is still a struggle.

A new year is a time to reassess where I've been, where I'm at, and where I'm going. I can look at what is working and what isn't and try to find a way to use what is working to fix what isn't. I'm not big on resolutions per se as they are a setup for failure most of the time. But there are some things that I plan on trying to address this year, effective immediately but adjusted for learning curve and reality.

1. I'll procrastinate later. I procrastinate because of "one more thing" syndrome, out of a panic born from perfectionism, and from intense amotivation. (aka: I'm a lazy slob.) Be aware of these things happening and work on fixing them as they do.

2. Onwards and upwards. It's time to stop replaying the implosion over and over in my head and in my writing. It's time to stop drowning in guilt, being reminded of reality, getting angry then sad then triumphant then confused then(...) only to rinse and repeat. It hurt. It sucked. It probably always will. But I am moving on and I have made such huge progress in the last six months that people are commenting on it; proof that it really is for the best. It's time to stop reading, stop obsessing, stop the vicious cycle. I already took the first step by refusing to censor my posts. I no longer have a need for hypervigilence when out around town since she is finally getting her wish to move away from here, although it is hard to get rid of the feeling that there is need. The head knows; the heart hasn't caught up yet. I haven't been able to pull myself away from reading her posts. (Thus the current moniker.)

God or Fate has lent a hand, though. Trainwreck locked her blog after deciding she wanted a fresh blogging start to go with her fresh new life. Strange how I felt relieved as soon as I saw it had happened, although it was obviously coming. I knew I shouldn't care what was happening and how they were doing, but I did and I wouldn't/couldn't stop reading and caring. Now, I can't read it. And the final tether has been released so that I can let this go and move onward and upward. I wonder if she will stop visiting here, too. To be honest, there are three regular readers that I can't identify and haven't really tried as I would hate to invade their privacy. Anyone that I don't interact with in my daily, offline world is welcome to read my blog so I don't want to chase them away. But it will be interesting to see which of them stop visiting now that she has made her "fresh start".

3. Cash or trash. We are working on controlling our money better including keeping better track of what is where and when, reducing fly-by, fast-food meals and only buying items that are on the list. These are lifelong habits that won't change overnight so we are working on awareness and baby steps and leading up to substantial changes rather than vowing to "fix" them all and giving up by the end of this week.

4. Sleep is good. I gotta start respecting my sleep schedule better. (I say this at 1:18 in the morning. Bleh. I suck.)

5. No more Mr. Nice Guy. The crackdown on behaviors that started last spring has not only continued but intensified. We have stuck with the plan and been consistent with it and it shows. Not completely, laundry is the bane of my existence and I am still horrible at housework and organization and tidiness and Mommyness. But we continue to make minor tweaks, the latest being a severe crackdown on "exceptions". So far so good.

6. Of course, health and weight and nutrition and all of that are still goals. The weight loss has started again, slowly. I just had to buy new jeans and moved down to misses from Women's. In a size 14 and dropping. I'm still huge but that's an improvement...